You work out of a Hotel?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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