So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
