ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
