there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
