Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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