The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
