I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
