I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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