a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
