billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
