once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
