Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
