I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wear drunk well.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
