What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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