fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
