I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
