so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
