I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
