At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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