You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
