I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
