I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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