woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
two words...techno handjob
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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