and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
