the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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