You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
