Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
