I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
