I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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