I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
