i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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