For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
