so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
