My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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