I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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