he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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