Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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