well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
