We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You're like the curious george of whores
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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