just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
