hell yes lets make some ravioli
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
