yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
