i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
