Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
