They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
