Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
