We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
