I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
