So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
