planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
